And I will explore you, too

[waking, beside you,
infinitesimal fraction
between life and death]


...
I'm a pioneer, exploring a new world between sleeping and dreaming, an infinitesimal fraction between life and death. Whether I blink my eyes open or blink my eyes shut, I see your lazy body outstretched like a cat sunning herself in the light afforded by an unshaded window. The image is on either side of my own window shades, my iris-shades, like when you stare at some complex geometric riddle in black and white. It's an optical illusion, and you are told to hold your gaze before shifting it to a blank wall. In the moments after your deep concentration, the image transposes and burns even more intensely for a time, dazzling you in dreamlike colors you never expected before it fades into nothingness.

There's an uneven level of cognition to my dream life and my awake life, like steep concrete steps in a parking garage you must climb if you ever want to get to your car, if you ever want to rejoin the realm of humans. Between the hours of midnight and 7:30, or 1 and 7:30, or later depending on the time we've had---but always ending at 7:30---, however, the level balances out, at least in one respect: I know that you are there. Awake or asleep, it makes a world of difference. Iris-shades drawn or open, I sense you. You are a topical illusion, and your image transposes and burns on my blank wall of a life in dreamlike colors.

I am just as dazzled, and just as puzzled.

So during this sliver called sleep, you dream your dream, and I dream mine, all the while knowing what the other is doing (as much as you know that your heart is still beating). When we wake, we make up for lost time in our separate Lost Times, kiss, and roll over. We share this particular dream before we return to our different dreams. But you're always tingeing the edges, burning that braided brainbender onto my blank wall in your radiant colors. You don't slip away when the sleep does, and you don't disappear when the ocular deceit does. You simply never fade.